Friday, September 27, 2013

Resting in Him

A gentle reminder from the doctor.
A short sit in the waiting room of the Betty Ford Breast Care Center
leaning against my concerned husband.

They call my name and I follow ~ 
with a husband's worried kiss on my lips.

Pulling off my shirt.
Tying on the short cotton robe.
Sitting in a cozy room with a stone fireplace
in the company of women sharing the same attire.

Heart beating quickly.
Palms hot.
Soft laughter around me about the AC being turned on too cold.
Name called.

Standing by the TOMO machine.
Leaning forward. Clutching the handle, white-knuckled.
Feeling the squeeze.
I grimace. Clutch. Relax.
Grimace. Clutch. Relax.
Four times.
Then two more for good measure.

The waiting room is now filled with different women in the same attire.
I wait.
Name called once again.
I follow the nurse to a consultation room
where my world crashes to floor like shattered glass.

My heart races.
My hands clasp tightly in instant inward prayer.

My mind numb.
My heart races faster, faster.
I see the doctor's mouth moving.
Words are too fast, too confusing.
Too comforting.
Is he talking about my breast?

I follow the nurse to a room where the "procedure" will be done.
I nod numbly, dumbly.
Hands shaking.
Mind repeating, 
"Not me, Lord. Please not me."

I dress and walk back out to my husband's waiting arms.
Tears close.
I clutch his strong hand now.

I want to nest.
I want to keep silent.
If I open my mouth, I will cry.

This was a dream, wasn't it?

I want to forget.

Five days later...

My shaking hands hold a letter.
My eyes refuse to see what I read there.
My mind unwilling to accept.

"Biopsy needed"

No history in my family.
No surgeries in my own history.

I am petrified.
Fear swallows me whole.

Where is my God?
Didn't he hear my silent pleas and see my hands clutched in prayer?

Anger surfaces.
Spits me out from fear.
Carries me through days of hissing at God.

John 14:27

A Facebook post.
My eyes travel over each word slowly.
A feeble attempt to embrace.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. 
I do not give to you as the world gives. 
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Facebook image

I allow calm to touch my heart.
I sink into it.
Just for a moment.
Gratitude trickles.

Dark thoughts immediately push back.
Calm vanishes.
Fear engulfs.

Fear is my constant companion for two full weeks.
Appetite disappears.
Knots fill my stomach.
I learn to live in denial and mock complacency.

If you say, "The LORD is my refuge," and you make the Most High your dwelling,
no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
For He will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone."
~ Psalm 91: 9-12

Procedure morning brings bigger knots.
Bigger fears.
Heart pounding.
The ride is long and quiet in the early morning light.
"The Lord is my refuge and strength...I shall not fear..." 
I repeat it in my mind.

Recovery Bay #3.
They prep me.
My husband watches with love in his eyes and concern on his face.
The familiar short gown.
The familiar wait.
A warmed blanket is wrapped around my shivering shoulders.
"The Lord is my shepherd...."

The doctor's eyes search mine for a level of fear.
His words are repetitive, like he's said them many times before.
I don't believe him.
I want to bolt from the room.

Instead, I crawl onto the table with the hole in the center.
Laying face down, I wait.
Purple and orange flowers cascade across a large picture on the wall.
I close my eyes and whisper,
"The Lord is my refuge...."
The nurse rubs my back and speaks quietly to me.
My heart pounds.
Can they hear it?

"Hold your breath, please."
X-ray after x-ray are taken to locate the correct area.

My shoulder hurts from the position I'm in.
My arm is going to sleep.
But there is no pain.
A bee sting from the Lidocaine injection
and an uncomfortableness from my awkward position on the table is all.

Forty-five minutes creep by and I climb off the table.
Warm blanket around my aching shoulders.
Surgical tape and gauze pressed to my flesh.

A smile from my love as I return to Recovery Bay #3.
A kiss of relief.
A tender, gentle hug.

Instructions to lay low for two days.
Results in four days.
Another long wait
The familiar gut-wrenching knot returns.

"Thy rod and thy staff...they comfort me...
You are with me..."

Psalms 23: 1-6

The LORD is my Shepherd. I shall not want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures.  He leads me beside still waters.  He restores my soul.  He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.  

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear not evil. For You are with me. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.  

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  You anoint my head with oil.  My cup overflows.  Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life. 
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
~ Psalms 23: 1-6

I rest beside the still waters...

~  Blessings ~

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  1. Think mom had a biopsy and there was no history of breast cancer or any other cancer. Her biopsy came back fine. Do something fun, eat chocolate, craft.... to keep your mind from racing. I'm sending prayers to you. I know your scared, I was too when they told my mom she needed a biopsy so we just kept moving and kept busy and went on...your in my thoughts, Jen

  2. oh my goodness. i don't know what to say. i read each word of this post all the while holding my breath,. i will pray that all will be well and that you will hear the words you're praying so hard to hear....benign. benign!

  3. thinking of you laurie and hoping for the best outcome!

  4. Thinking of you, Laurie, praying and sending good thoughts your way!

  5. Praying for you! Your post was beautifully written--thank you for sharing this personal experience. Sending good thoughts--keep your spirits up.

  6. Laurie, you are in good hands ... God's. All of us humans are praying for good news for you. Remember, you are NOT ALONE!!!!

  7. This must be scary to go through...sending good thoughts and prayers your way, Laurie! XOXO

  8. Psalm 23 is a good place to is where I have been these past two years going through my own health trials and overcoming fear. He has been faithful to heal and restore me. It is a continual yielding to His will, choosing to live in His gentle love for me. Not worrying about tomorrow but embracing today. The LORD is my Shepherd, I shall not want...He will not leave you. Trust in Him alone and have the faith to believe Him in all that you hear Him whisper into your heart. Remember His path is narrow and confined and only a few find it. Abide in Him. ox

  9. You are a strong woman, I can tell by your beautiful words. Grace and peace and many prayers for you.

  10. Thinking good thoughts. Thank you for sharing this personal journey. Only good things for you... That's my prayer.

  11. Hi my dear dear sister,
    I am so in awe of you and your rawness ! Do you know how much I admire you ? Yes, lean on him. He knows every word before you speak it. He knows your beautiful heart, and he wants you to turn to him. You have so many friends who have you in their hearts and prayers. Take good care of yourself and be gentle on yourself. As soon as you can, get busy doing what you truly LOVE doing. You know how much I adore you and wish I could be there to give you a big giant hug.
    Keeping you in my prayers sweetheart.
    Love ya,
    ~ Steph

  12. I'm going to my knees know dear Laurie. I will pray for you and your entire family dear one.
    sending warm hugs your way...

  13. I usually don't comment on blogs, but after reading this I had to. You see, as I am writing this, I am currently healing from a double mastectomy that I just had on sept 16th, 2013. I know the fear you are experiencing and the anger too. I had to have four biopsies and I know what that waiting game feels like. Luckily they caught my cancer early, so even though it resulted in a double mastectomy, it did not travel into my lymph nodes so we are praying that I will not need chemo. My doctor says I am 100 percent cancer free and I am alive! I had a strong support group and do believe in the power of prayer. I am not writing this to scare you, but to let you know you are stronger than you think (believe me, I am the biggest baby so If I ca do this anyone can). I will pray for you that your results will be good. If you would like to contact me to talk (cry,rant and rave) my email is I found even talking to complete strangers helped me. Take care.

  14. God Bless you Laurie. I have just suffered with you reading this and know how you must feel, having had a scare or two like this. I will be praying for you and know you are in His Hands.

  15. Sweet Laurie, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Just keep in your mind that this is very common and we are all praying for you and sending good thoughts and love your way!

  16. My prayers are with you Laurie I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Please try to find peace the next few days . I will be thinking of you.

  17. So sorry you are going through this. Please stay strong. Saying my prayers for you!

  18. Hi again sweetie... just answered your email... my prayers continue... as I told you, I have had nine biopsies and they were all fine, but I so understand what you are going through... remember... we are sisters... we feel for each other... share each others happiness as well as pain... you show me just how strong you are to be able to write this post... I believe in the power of prayer and so many are going out for you sweet friend... your faith is strong... as is mine... and God will see you through this... and you have a wonderful man by your side... prayers for Rog too as I know it is very hard on him as well... love you, xoxo Julie Marie

  19. Laurie....sorry you are going thru this. I, too, had a biopsy a few years back. It is a long wait but I decided I was not going to fret and worry until I really had conclusive results. Then, I would allow myself to begin to fall apart. Because there was a 50/50 chance everything would be fine. And, it was! Attempt to go about things in a normal routine....enjoy the wonderful weather, make some dream cathcers, go to Allegan Sunday, etc. don't worry until you need too!

  20. Oh GOD, Laurie. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. My dear sweet Laurie whose words are always uplifting; whose posts are balm to both the heart and the soul. Oh you must be so scared. The waiting is the worst, isn't it?

    I just pray to the Lord when the news comes back it will be good.

    It's good they took a biopsy just to make sure.

    Please know you will be in my thoughts, heart and prayers. You know I wish you the very, very best, Laurie. Hugs. Susan

  21. Laurie, my friend, I'm praying for you right now. I pray for peace and comfort. I pray that you continue to cling to your faith. I pray for an all clear.xoxoRosemary

  22. Hi Laurie,
    I don't know if I ever commented on your blog but I went through the same thing. My biopsy turned out fine....don't get way ahead of yourself. Peace be with you....remember Jesus heals. He will take hold of your hand and keep you calm. God bless you!

  23. Thinking and praying for you Laurie. It's easy to say relax, don't fear but when it's happening to's difficult to relax, let go and let god. I pray everything turns out well. If this is any comfort, a few of my friends have had biopsies and everything turned out fine.

  24. Oh heart aches for you. Try...really try... to rest in Him. I know it is hard, but He is the only one who understands every cry of our aching heart. You have such a talent in your writings...I could read them all day long.

    Be still and know that I am God...


  25. Laurie, I am sorry you are going through this right now. I am going to be praying for you.

    blessings and love,

  26. Ok, Laurie. I'm gonna be a prayer warrior for you, as you have been for others. Starting right now.

  27. I'm saying many prayers for you, Laurie, I know your strong faith is going to carry you through this ordeal. I had a breast tumor biopsy that came back fine and most recently a lung biopsy, which was also benign. When I worried, I prayed. But mostly I kept busy as I didn't know what the future held. My prayers were answered and I am willing you to have the strength to know yours will be, too.


  28. Hi Laurie,
    I also don't usually reply but also had too. I am seven years out from my BC diagnosis. I had a lumpectomy and my central node was clear. As of now I show no evidence of cancer.
    I know the fear you are feeling. Please keep busy and TRY not to worry! I am praying for benign for you!
    No matter what happens God is with you. He was and is my Strong Comfort, as He is yours also. Cast all of your fears on Him.
    I will leave my email here for you, if you need to vent, have questions or anything feel free to email me.
    Your Friend in Christ

  29. You serve a mighty God, Laurie. He is bigger than this and He will carry you through. Remember "All things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose." That's you! He is already using you to comfort and encourage others who may be facing the same thing. Praying for peace,courage, strength and grace to face what's next. Rest in the comfort of His big strong arms.

  30. I am praying that you will hear good news!

  31. I will be thinking of you and keep you in my prayers. Whatever the test results, all will be well in time. So sorry you have to go through this.

  32. So eloquent, Laurie, and gracious, even at this time which is so nerve wracking. Better to have it thoroughly checked out. Sending prayers and positive thoughts to you. (((hugs))) xo

  33. Hi Laurie!
    I will be thinking of you . The waiting has to be the worst. I'm so glad you have
    your faith to lean on. i will be holding my breath......... deb

  34. Laurie...My goodness, this poem is so good and beautiful! I pray the test results will be so good that they put a beautiful smile on your face and in your heart, forever! God bless you.

  35. Beautifully written and please know I am praying for you.

  36. Cry for you ..... please my dear Laurie mind positive until the last minute,one must think positively -believing ... do not worry it will be fine ... once I read somewhere that if two people in the world wants the same thing that he fulfills all my wishes the same thing-that it was nothing ! ! ! !
    Though I 'm only 32 years old in my life I have experienced a lot of pain-my mother left when I was 23 years-she knew only one grandchild-my son's pain ... always keep in my heart ... Now retired in January and my father-in-law .... I myself have a second birth nearly lost her life ... but I never stopped believing ! ! LOVE and FAITH are the most important things we do - we love you and believe ♥♥♥♥♥

  37. I just went through the same thing Laurie - the exact same thing - once last winter - and then again this past summer - couldn't talk about it with anybody - couldn't let my mind go there - but all during Lindsay's wedding plans it was there - buried deep inside - praying that I could just get past that at least.................
    and then the appointment where I learned everything was ok......................
    Prayers for you sweet friend - I KNOW what you're going through - it's a terrifying thing.
    Much love - and tighter then tight hugs.

  38. Praying for you Laurie, as are so many of those who follow your writing. God's strength and peace to you,

  39. Sweet Laurie, my thought and praters are with you. xo Laura

  40. I haven't read your blog for a while, I'm so sorry you are experiencing such stress at this moment waiting for the results of your biopsy. I know only too well the thoughts that are running wildly around your head, 2yrs ago I had to have 4 biopsies taken, those few days waiting for the results were the longest days I have ever experienced, I can only say what several of your followers have written,, keep your self busy doing all the nice things you like to do, Hopefully you will have good news like I did, and all the worries you are having now will all be for nothing. You have such a strong relgious faith to help you through this difficult time, I also will send my prayers for you. In the meantime, I ask you to keep thinking positve.

  41. Beautiful expressions of your faith that appears to be in test mode......praying for your benign are loved and highly favored by GOD!

  42. I know the heaviness you are feeling. The fear can be overwhelming and consuming. I am a 1 1/2 out from my breast cancer diagnosis. I have gained much from relying on Him. He is gracious and good. Allow him to carry you through this time. Please do not hesitate to ask me any questions. My email is My prayers are with you!

  43. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Laurie. Keep focused on the, eat well, create, laugh.....and know that you are loved.

  44. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Laurie. Keep focused on the, eat well, create, laugh.....and know that you are loved.

  45. Laurie. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Such a personal one at that. I read each word right before bed last night. I prayed for peace and comfort for you and your family. God is faithful without him we are nothing. Trust in him to see you through for sure. Keep us updated..

  46. Laurie, you are receiving a lot of support here from friends and strangers, and I'm glad of that. I went through the same thing a few years ago. The annual mammogram, then the call to come back for a second one. That alone is scary. Just the wondering! The kept me after the second one to talk to someone. They told me I needed a biopsy, and not wanting to wait (and have time to think too much) I scheduled it for the following day. It was pre-cancerous. I was referred to one of the best women doctors in the state, if not the country. She is also a survivor, so she knew what all her patients were going through. She asked me if I wanted to take out the pre-cancerous cells or just keep an eye on it each mammogram. I opted to get it out! Who wants to wait for the bomb to drop each year ? Did I want to wait for after the holidays ? NO! The sooner the better. The surgery was a breeze compared to the biopsy. That was really painful because they had trouble getting to the spot they needed -- a vein was in the way so they kept having to go in over and over again. I'm glad that your experience with the biopsy wasn't as bad. It's true as the sweetheart above said... you are stronger than you realize. Many prayers are being said for you, and you can count on mine as well. It's very very scary, Laurie, but you can get through this. My mom had two mastectomies. But I was adopted, so I wasn't too worried about it. However, the sword hanging over me.... what could I inherit from my biological families ? I have since learned that there is some breast cancer in some not so distant relatives. Just keep up the mammograms and let us know what we can do for you.

    Hugs from Texas

  47. Prayers and love for you and yours. Thank you for sharing so much.

  48. Laurie, I just stumbled upon your blog today. First, let me say I have been where you are. Two biopsies in five years. Both turned out benign, which I pray will be the case for you. God is your refuge and strength. Yes. That's where I turned and have continued to turn in every situation. "My peace I give to You. Not as the world gives do I give." Second, Laurie, I want to tell you that your blog is one of the most beautiful blogs I have ever seen, and finding it today was such a blessing. I am following you and praying for you. God bless you, Laurie. I'll be back.

  49. The waiting is the hardest part...but if you are resting in His arms...what harm can come to you in the next three days? I know that sounds trite, but you have the next few days to just enjoy Rog, Maize, your home, etc. Whatever is coming up, you will deal with on Tuesday. You cannot do a thing about it until then. We worry about the future and all of the what ifs. There are no what ifs until Tuesday! ...I truly understand.
    You are doing everything right, sweet sis. Keep trusting God, and leaning on Him. I'm proud of you. This post is beautiful, and a testimony to your faith.
    We are praying for you, and Rog.
    Love, love, love you guys.

  50. The waiting is the hardest part...but if you are resting in His arms...what harm can come to you in the next three days? I know that sounds trite, but you have the next few days to just enjoy Rog, Maize, your home, etc. Whatever is coming up, you will deal with on Tuesday. You cannot do a thing about it until then. We worry about the future and all of the what ifs. There are no what ifs until Tuesday! ...I truly understand.
    You are doing everything right, sweet sis. Keep trusting God, and leaning on Him. I'm proud of you. This post is beautiful, and a testimony to your faith.
    We are praying for you, and Rog.
    Love, love, love you guys.

  51. Laurie,
    The outpouring of support from so many have said all that I could say. I just wanted you to know there is still another person who cares what happens in your life. One moment at a time, one day at a time, then one week at a time...Remember to rest and to eat. Both are so hard to do during stressful times, but food gives your body energy and rest gives your spirit energy.


  52. God bless you and be with you as you go through this difficult time. My prayers are with you.

  53. Laurie...I went though the same thing a year ago from last November and got the word right before Christmas that my biopsy came back benign. Saying prayers that yours in benign too. I was very nervous when I went back this Spring for another mammogram, but everything was okay.
    Keeping you in my prayers,

  54. Take comfort in his wings, you are shelter with his glorious love....

    Praying for your beautiful recovery walking into faith that God is not going to give you anything you cannot handle and that would be free of any enamy named cancer.
    Call on his name and he will answer your prayers.

    Big hugs and kisses.

  55. I relate to the fear so well... but also to the grace. Thank you for sharing, my prayers are with you!

  56. Keeping you in my (positive) thoughts and prayers Laurie...stay strong!

  57. Keeping you in my prayers....I just watched Dr. Stanley's program this morning on fear....we all know what that is like in some way or another...he said to read Isaiah 41:10.....God Bless You....

  58. Laurie while you are waiting to hear...please know that you are will be in our heart.....our thoughts.....and our prayers.God is with you....he will never.....ever.....ever leave you.......I am praying.....please know that I am praying for you sweet Laurie.....

  59. Laurie - This is Debbie from Love of the Sea. I am praying for you. I can only imagine the heartache and fear you are going through right now. XO

  60. God know the plans He has for you. You are in the palm of His hand. He sees every tear. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Hugs, Martha

  61. You are in my thoughts, and prayers. My mom...and sister...survivors. I don't know you well but I know that you have strong faith and are most assuredly in God's care. I hope that the time passes quickly and the news is good and that, in the mean time, you find comfort in the love of family, friends, and faith. Hugs to you, Kimberly

  62. Laurie, my post today was for you. Been on my mind for a few days and I threw it together knowing someone needed it, but I had no clue it was you. Been where you are. Mine were fibroid tumors, still in there. I know the fear. God has this. You are his child. He knew your need before you whispered it. Be calm in Him. Rest in Him. You can walk through this fire. You have the armor. Love you, prayers always.

  63. Dear dear Laurie,
    you have been on my mind all day.. I stopped by your fb page to leave you a message & then saw your blog heart pounds as I read your deeply frightened but faithful words...hang in there I know everything will be are protected no matter what & just remember everything always works out for the best. I will pray for you with all my heart tonight. so much love for you & more coming your way. healing light your way. xo Laura

  64. Hi Laurie I'm so sorry that I have not stop by to talk my heart and prayers go out to you my friend I miss talking to you and I know god will take care of you. I don't have a fb page right now but will open a new one soon.. Big Hugs Val

  65. Laurie, you are surrounded by the love and support of everyone here. May you take comfort in our prayers and love for you.
    Keeping you in my thoughts honey xx

  66. big hugs and tons of prayers, sweetie...

  67. Sending prayers and love your way, Laurie.

  68. Dearest Laurie ...I am thinking and praying for you and awaiting news....x
    Gail x

  69. Dear Laurie, Im so sad you are going through this. We all pray for the best and whatever happens your not alone. xoxo

  70. It is very difficult to write comforting words at a time like this. I think about You, Laurie, together with all your friends. You have to believe that everything will be fine and everything will be really okay again. Some time ago I also had serious health problems and the support of my family was the main thing. You have a loving husband and together you can do it, I am sure. We keep our fingers crossed, dear Laurie! God bless you!

  71. Laurie, My prayers to you and your husband during this difficult time. God Bless you!
    xo Cindy

  72. Whoa... I was reading and thinking is this a story about someone else... It's hard to imagine that this is about you. That's pretty intense scary stuff, and you are being so brave. I think you have connected with so many friends on such a personal level with your words. that I am sure their healing energy and healing prayers as well as mine will be surrounding you in this time you are going through...


  73. Praying for good results. I went through this myself once and the tests were NEGATIVE. Yours can be too.

  74. I think of the song lyrics, "I will praise you in the storm..." And, "Oh how He loves you...."
    May peace reside in your mind and heart.

  75. Oh Laurie, my heart goes out to you. I wish I could reach right through the computer and give you a big hug! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers...stay strong and positive. xo

  76. I do believe in positive prayers... And so many people are praying for you through all over the world. I join my voice and my prays from France...



  77. I'm sorry you are going through this. Hold fast. Praying for you, Laurie.

  78. My sweet friend...lifting you up into His everlasting arms where I know He is blanketing you with His love and Presence.
    Rest in His heart and know that His love surrounds you as the mountains surround Jerusalem.
    His peace is perfect and it surpasses understanding and will sustain you. Dwell there in that place with Him.
    He Who knows you most intimately, loves you best.
    Sending love and warm tender hugs to you dear friend.
    Joining with you as you wait upon Him \0/

    All my heart,
    Deborah xoxoxoxo

  79. sending prayers and positive thoughts from novi mich! I believe all will be well! this is easier said then done but I heard it said once not to borrow trouble before it is even here! stay strong!!! I know that's probably hard to do but god will get you through this! hugs
    Kim Buca

  80. will be in my thoughts and prayers.......hugs...

  81. I missed this post, Laurie. God bless you as you rest in His arms. You can do this- you know you are tough! xo Diana

  82. Oh my sweetie! I know what you feel! My mom had the same problem before 4 years. It was hard for us. But now, is everything fine, my mom is full of health and you will be too! I´m with you, my dear friend!!! I know that everything will be fine. You are an amazing person, you must take it as the God say "Cherish your life, you´ve got only the one! So live fully! Each new day is always a new chance to live". I´m thinking about you! I send you hugs and energy for you! Michaella

  83. Thoughtful prayers. Thanks so much for linking to Inspire Me. Hugs, Marty

  84. Thank you for sharing this. You have my prayers.

  85. So sorry to hear this Laurie. Praying for the best outcome for you.

  86. Hi Laurie - I'm in tears as I'm reading this because I've been there. And came out on the other side. Big prayers for you and your family and I would love to have you stop by and share this inspirational story at my BC Awareness Pinktastic Party. As a BC survivor, I'm trying to create not just awareness but comfort and inspiration. And please, contact me if you ever need to chat or vent or anything! The door is always open. Hugs, Holly

  87. Sending prayers and loving thoughts.

  88. Even though we have never met, sending loving and heartfelt prayers and hugs during this time. A beautiful post, thanks for sharing!

  89. Hi, praying for you. I am sending love wishes your way.

  90. Yes Laurie, I too will be praying for you! I know how you felt the first time. I had to go back for another MRI. I was so worried because my mother had one breast remove. Luckily they read it right then and there and all was well. The waiting is the worst! God will be with you no matter what! Thanks for sharing with SYC.

  91. My prayers are with you. Hold on to your faith, trusting and believing in the God that sits high and looks low.
    He word is true, and He will never forsake you. Our love is with you.
    Warm hugs,

  92. Knowing beforehand what this post would be about, I was not sure I wanted to read it...and now I know that you spoke with the voice of so many women who have walked this path before. You really got down to the heart and soul of everything that I believe we fear. Your sweet husband by your side, supporting you and putting on a brave face for you too. How beautiful you express yourself Laurie. I am so glad I read this. xoxo


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