Sunday, February 8, 2015

The Love That Breaks a Heart

“If only there could be an invention that bottled up a memory, like scent. 
And it never faded, and it never got stale. 
And then, when one wanted it, the bottle could be uncorked, and it would be like living the moment all over again.”  ~Daphne du Maurier

Days meld into evenings.
Snowy mornings fall into frigid nights.
Life moves, 
pushes forward.
 I find myself moving with it ~
sometimes reluctantly.
Dragging my feet; reaching back.
Arms outstretched.
Wanting to stay in the moment
and not step into the next one.
I feel like with each passing day
more life is left behind.
I feel anxious and nervous about the future. 

I don't want to forget.
I am so afraid of forgetting.

Their voices. Their touch. Their smiles. Their laughter. Their tears...
Bloglandia hasn't seen much of Heaven's Walk these past months.
My heart still struggles with emptiness. 
My feeble attempt at putting words to paper fail miserably.
The void is tangible, presses down hard.
Depletes me.
I know deep inside that I continue to be blessed abundantly ~
with my loving husband, my Maizie Grace, family and friends. 
Living in this old farmhouse surrounded by woods and water, 
rooms warmed by a big furnace,
healthy food lining the pantry shelves,
beds piled with down comforters,
patchouli scented air...
all huge blessings that make me bow my head in gratitude.
God makes his presence known with peace and comfort.
I close my eyes and breathe him in deeply.

But a part of me is missing.
Torn away.
Seemingly treading water;
pushing myself back up to the surface to gasp for breath.

Between chores...stolen gazes out the window....
purposefully remembering.
Knowing the pain will hit sharply
like a punch to the gut.
The moments come unexpectedly,
blindsiding me;
making my soul curl up in a fetal position.

I reach back in time and allow myself to sink into the memories.
Reliving the shock, painful decisions, and sadness.
Beating myself down with the "whys" and "what-ifs".
Not a place where I want to be, and I try to push away from it,
but it's a place I keep falling in to time and time again.

I touch my dad's lilac painting setting before me in my studio.
I pull his coat on over my shoulders to go shovel snow in our driveway.
I run my fingers across my mother's handwriting on a birthday card from years past,
and clasp her diamond necklace around my neck.

 So much has happened over the past eight months.
Eight months?  How could it be eight months?
To a broken heart,
it seems like yesterday.
The pain is still that big and encompassing.
It swallows me whole.

How long does a heart grieve? How long does the soul ache?
I want to go back in time...
I don't want to forget
I don't want the pain of remembering.
Yet still...
I want to remember.

Responding to the tugs of divinity within.
 Healing through tears and sleepless nights.
The [Holy Spirit] knows the beat of your heart when you have forgotten how to be.
The [Holy Spirit] knows the lyrics of why you are loved - when you can’t remember quite how to live….
The [Holy Spirit] will sing your song - God’s song for you - when you have long forgotten the words to His Word – to yourself.  ~Ann Voskamp
The world around me seems loud, crude, and invasive.
I want to shut it out and escape.
 It doesn't understand.
I feel God hiding me in the shadow of his hand.  

“God speaks in the language you know best - not through your ears, but through your circumstances.”  ~Oswald Chambers
"May our loves never leave us, at least not for long.
May our passions not be buried so deep by our pain and brokenness that they become impossible to recover.
May we know God and in turn, know ourselves." ~ author unknown

~  Eucharisteo  ~

Linking to the linky parties on the lower right of my sidebar.



Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Sharing What Is Good

Well, our new year didn't start quite the way I imagined it would.

My husband and I were both sick over Christmas.
He caught a nasty cold and cough and spent almost two weeks on the sofa
while I oiled him up with immunity boosting, anti-viral therapeutic oils
and kept him well supplied with tissues.
I placed two home diffusers in the living room.  One at the head of the sofa and the other at the foot, 
and went through copious amounts of essential oils to aid in his breathing and congestion.

He became such a believer in these Young Living Essential Oils that he began asking for me to anoint him every few hours because they provided so much relief for him.

Knowing there was a pretty good chance that I would be on the receiving end of any errant cooties flying around the house, I oiled myself up every other hour and swiped my nose with Animal Scents Ointment laced with Lavender, Egyptian Gold, and Exodus II as a preventative measure.
I did catch a bit of a cold, but it only lasted for three days. I believe it was so short lived because of these wonderful gifts from God ~~ gifts that God intended as our medicines.

While traveling this "oily" journey, I continue to learn more and more about their healing properties. That, in turn, is forcing me to take a second look at what is in our pantry, what groceries I buy, how we eat, what we put in our bodies, and what we apply to our skin. 

Then, it dawned on me.

Each drop of an essential oil we use contains approximately 40 million-trillion molecules. (yes..that is a real number). If we're using these oils because they contain the power not only to heal us when we're sick, but to nurture and preserve our health when we are well, 
why in the world would I want to eat something or put something on my skin that is full of chemicals and is genetically modified? It's totally defeating the purpose of using these pure oils to stay healthy!

I read in my "Healing Oils of the Bible" that the oils' molecules deliver oxygen molecules to our cells, and can erase or deprogram miswritten codes in cellular memory. They can actually help fight cancer. They carry electrical charges, usually electrons or negative ions, which are healing and healthful. So, when we are eating things that weren't natural and organic, we certainly are not helping these oils to work optimally.

It was time for a change.
A BIG change.
Yes, it would be more expensive...because for some odd reason, eating healthy costs more than eating processed food.
But how many times have you have heard (or said yourself),
"When you have your health, you have everything."

So, I want to share with you what is good in our life right now.

I am running on my treadmill religiously at least four times per week, not allowing myself to stop until I log in at least three miles.  Today I started using the incline to push myself even harder; determined like never before to lose a few pounds before spring arrives.

I begin every other day by "oil pulling".  Taking a teaspoon of organic coconut oil, adding a couple drops of Thieves mouthwash (which I just love) to it, and swishing it around in my mouth for 15 minutes while I shower. It pulls toxins and bacteria not only from my mouth, but from my body as well.
It's all about prevention.

Some deliciously scented organic goats milk soap and shea butters arrived from Taproot Farms in Alaska. I love the feel of the silky soap, and the butters are so healing on winter dry skin.
(Not to mention, I'm totally diggin' the name of the soap.)

My long-time girlfriend who is also my hair dresser, gave me some Matrix oil to try on my hair.
I adore it. It makes it soft and manageable and keeps it healthy. It also smells absolutely heavenly.

I switched from coffee to organic tea spiked with cashew milk, raw honey, and a few drops of essential oils (cinnamon bark, Thieves, lemon, peppermint, and Slique). The cashew milk provides protein that keeps me full all morning long.
I make a Kefir smoothie at noon and nibble on some organic turkey jerky.

Grocery shopping is taking me longer. I read every single label and put items back on the shelf that have too many ingredients.  I am looking for the fewest ingredients as possible and if they are organic, all the better. It amazes me at the amount of chemicals, toxins, GMOs, and unnecessary additives that companies insist on pouring into their products. So disgusting.
We also stopped drinking any type of sodas due to all the chemicals in them
(like formaldehyde....really?)
My go-to drink is water with a few drops of lemon, lime, tangerine, or grapefruit oil in it.

We are eating more fruit when we get hungry. Bananas, apples, blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, and oranges. They are filling, nutritious, and provide fiber and energy.

Our pantry shelves are gradually getting filled with organic almond butter, raw honey, quinoa, organic coconut and flaxseed oil, protein bars, ground chia seeds, and hemp protein powder. 
We eat only "clean" meat. Organic turkey or chicken burger or home-processed venison is used for chili, goulash, or tacos.  Air-chilled organic chicken or salmon are our favorites in soups or stir-fry,
with lots of bok choy, broccoli, green beans, carrots, onion, mushrooms, and red pepper.

We sprinkle ground chia seeds on top for an extra boost of protein, antioxidants, calcium, and omega 3 fatty acids.

Cold winters days are spent reading about healthy living,
learning as much as we can...

with a bit of decorating thrown in for good measure, of course.

In my studio, standing in front of a favorite tiny painting from my dad...

I create more dream catchers,
while my husband putters away in his work room.

And as 2015 marches forward toward the promise of a healthy spring...

our goal for a natural, organic, holistic, healthy, healing way life blooms
in this old farmhouse.

Watercolor by my dad.

"You are the content of your character. 
You are the ambitions that drive you. 
You are the goals that you set. 
You are the things that you laugh at 
and the words that you say. 
You are the thoughts you think 
and the things you wonder. 
You are beautiful and desirable 
not for the clique you attend, 
but for the spark of life within you 
that compels you to make your life 
a full and meaningful one. 
You are beautiful not for the shape of the vessel,
but for the volume of the soul it carries.”

~author unknown

By the grace of God, we strive to carry our healthy souls forward in a full and meaningful life...
and share the goodness that we are blessed with.

We taste and see that God is good.

~  Eucharisteo  ~

Linking to the linky parties located on the lower right of my sidebar.