Batman and Wobblin

FLIT FLIT FLIT FLIT.....

I cocked my head in my sleep, wondering what that strange noise was.

What in the world were the cats up to now?
Sophie, my little nighttime snuggler, was not curled up by my head as usual.
Toby, our socialite, was nowhere to be seen, either.
Hmmmm......

I opened my eyes and sat partway up in bed. 

It was very early morning and still dark outside.

FLIT FLIT FLIT FLIT

(huge gasp) "OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!"

I saw a shadow of something 
(and the fearful child deep inside me knew exactly what it was) 
as it flew through the bedroom.

I threw myself back onto the bed and pulled the covers over my head.

"HONEY!!!!!! THERE'S A BAT IN HERRRRRRRRRRRRE!!!!!" 

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I whimpered beneath the covers as my Batman bound of bed and jumped into his tights and cape.

(Ok...so maybe they were just his skivvies....just go with me here...)

"Stay here with the covers over your head!" he ordered me in a very masculine, hero-like voice.

Well, me being me, I poked my head out from beneath the covers and flicked on the light.
I found inner strength from somewhere deep inside my body which had turned to Jello, and crawled slowly out of bed to stand on wobbly legs; my eyes scanning the ceiling as I moved toward the hallway.
I turned on lights throughout the bedrooms, inwardly praying that the obnoxious little creature had NOT decided to play hide-and-seek in my walk-in closet.
Oh, Lord, give me strength.....

I knew I had to get to the corn broom and paper bag I kept in the basement just for an event like this. You're supposed to be able to just sweep the creature into the bag and release him outside. 
Easy as pie, right?

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As I passed by hubby's bathroom, Batman was in there hopping on one foot as he pulled on his Bat boots.

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(Ok...ok....his shorts....)

I crept down the stairs to the main floor and turned on all the lights that I could.
I was extremely fearful of the bat getting near Maizie and Tessa, so I pulled both confused dogs in to the bathroom and shut the door.
I could just hear them thinking, "What the heck is Mom doing now...?" 

After retrieving the bat-catching equipment from the now brightly lit basement, I held the broom like a Bat Shield in front of me as I made my way back up the darkened stairs to the bedrooms.

Batman (a splendid sight in his Batsuit.....but....laying in bed?) had decided that we needed to turn off all the lights upstairs so that the ugly little thing would begin to fly around again...

"What are you doing?"
"Waiting for the bat. What are YOU doing?"
"I just flew in on my broom. What do you think I'm doing?
(I could feel him rolling his eyes in the dark.)
I want a flashlight. I'm going back downstairs."
"I think he's up here somewhere.  I'll wait up here."
"Ok. I'll scream if I find it...."


I crept back down the stairs and into the bright kitchen.  I kept thinking, 'Where would I go if I was a bat....? Where oh where....?
Oh horrors!  What if we can't FIND it?!'

I poked the drapes in the living room.
I lifted the valances in the kitchen.
I peeked into a dark corner where the .22 is kept.
What was that odd shape sitting on the rifle?
I turned on the flashlight and my heart dropped to my stomach.


"IT'S DOWN HERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!!!
HURRY UUUUP!!!"

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 There it was. The creepy icky little thing. Clinging to the barrel of the rifle.  
My heart was racing.
My legs were wobbly.
My Shield was held courageously (yeah, right) in front of me.

Now, I don't know how you all feel about bats, but me? 
I could live my life without'em.
I don't give two hoots if "they eat a ton of mosquitoes" as hubby (aka Batman) likes to reinterate.
I do not like them.
At all.
I'd rather have a mosquito bite, thank you very much.

Batman flew into the room, did a double-take at my shield, and crept cautiously past my shakily, pointing finger. 


We both stood there dumbfounded.


How in the world do we get him out of a space no wider than 4 inches?


We looked at each other.
We looked at the bat.
Our minds whirled in tandem searching, searching for a resolution to this huge problem.


"It's too bad that they don't make a Bat Spray like wasp spray.  That if you squirt them with it, they just die," I suggested in a tremoring voice.
Wishful thinking, huh?
Great idea for a patent, maybe...?


But Batman, being the brilliant superhuman hero he is, looked at me, held up a finger, and said, "But they DO!"


"What? What are you talking about?"


"ETHER!  ENGINE STARTING FLUID!"


He flew bolted to the garage and returned with a can of the stuff.
My heart was pounding now.
What would this icky little thing do once he got sprayed?
Would he morph into a man-size bat and carry us away?
Would he get really mad and become a crazed animal dying to get his fangs sunk in our necks?


Batman sprayed.....
and sprayed.....
and sprayed.
The kitchen filled with the overpowering scent of the ether.
I kept hoping that neither of us would slither to the floor in a dead faint.


"OH MY LORD!!!!  HERE IT COMES!!!!" I yelled, backing up with my shield firm in front of me.


That dreadful, nasty, ugly little thing was creeping across the kitchen floor doing the dead-man's crawl.
Oh my gosh..........It was like something out of a stinkin' horror film.
One little fury arm with fingers pulling itself forward, then the other little arm, in slow motion at first.....gradually picking up speed and heading right toward me.

Gross!!!!  Grosss!!!!! Grossssssss!!!!!!


OH LORD!!!!!


"GET HIM!!!! GET HIM!!!!" I screamed, backing up even more.


Well, Batman, yes - being the brilliant, superhuman hero he is, had also brought in my fish net from the garage.  The one I use to take leaves out of my water garden?


He scooped that nasty little dazed beast up, opened the French doors, and flung him out onto the deck.

He shook the net to make sure the creature was out.



The last we saw of him he was crawling....crawling....crawling....one little furry arm at at time....across the deck toward the flowerbed.

 We looked at each other.  Me with imprints of my bat shield etched onto my forehead, and him with his cape blowing in the cool evening air.

We both heaved a sigh of relief.

Batman:  "I've gotta get some sleep."
Me:  "Sleep??!! How can you sleep after this? We've gotta find out how he got in!!!"
Batman: "Now? I don't think so. I'm going back to bed."

So, there I lay.....two hours later.....on bat patrol - watching Batman snoring away while I mentally assembled a list in my head of things  I had to do tomorrow to ensure that no more of those nasty little beasties gained access to our home.


And wondering....why in the world did I ever allow Batman to install a bat house on one of the trees in the backyard....?


{Big hugs} from a still shaking


~ laurie