Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Batman and Wobblin


I cocked my head in my sleep, wondering what that strange noise was.
What in the world were the cats up to now?
Sophie, my little nighttime snuggler, was not curled up by my head as usual.
Toby, our socialite, was nowhere to be seen, either.

I opened my eyes and sat partway up in bed. 
It was very early morning and still dark outside.


(huge gasp) "OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!"

I saw a shadow of something 
(and the fearful child deep inside me knew exactly what it was) 
as it flew through the bedroom.

I threw myself back onto the bed and pulled the covers over my head.


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I whimpered beneath the covers as my Batman bound of bed and jumped into his tights and cape.

(Ok...so maybe they were just his skivvies....just go with me here...)

"Stay here with the covers over your head!" he ordered me in a very masculine, hero-like voice.

Well, me being me, I poked my head out from beneath the covers and flicked on the light.
I found inner strength from somewhere deep inside my body which had turned to Jello, and crawled slowly out of bed to stand on wobbly legs; my eyes scanning the ceiling as I moved toward the hallway.
I turned on lights throughout the bedrooms, inwardly praying that the obnoxious little creature had NOT decided to play hide-and-seek in my walk-in closet.
Oh, Lord, give me strength.....

I knew I had to get to the corn broom and paper bag I kept in the basement just for an event like this. You're supposed to be able to just sweep the creature into the bag and release him outside. 
Easy as pie, right?

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As I passed by hubby's bathroom, Batman was in there hopping on one foot as he pulled on his Bat boots.

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(Ok...ok....his shorts....)

I crept down the stairs to the main floor and turned on all the lights that I could.
I was extremely fearful of the bat getting near Maizie and Tessa, so I pulled both confused dogs in to the bathroom and shut the door.
I could just hear them thinking, "What the heck is Mom doing now...?" 

After retrieving the bat-catching equipment from the now brightly lit basement, I held the broom like a Bat Shield in front of me as I made my way back up the darkened stairs to the bedrooms.

Batman (a splendid sight in his Batsuit.....but....laying in bed?) had decided that we needed to turn off all the lights upstairs so that the ugly little thing would begin to fly around again...

"What are you doing?"
"Waiting for the bat. What are YOU doing?"
"I just flew in on my broom. What do you think I'm doing?
(I could feel him rolling his eyes in the dark.)
I want a flashlight. I'm going back downstairs."
"I think he's up here somewhere.  I'll wait up here."
"Ok. I'll scream if I find it...."

I crept back down the stairs and into the bright kitchen.  I kept thinking, 'Where would I go if I was a bat....? Where oh where....?
Oh horrors!  What if we can't FIND it?!'

I poked the drapes in the living room.
I lifted the valances in the kitchen.
I peeked into a dark corner where the .22 is kept.
What was that odd shape sitting on the rifle?
I turned on the flashlight and my heart dropped to my stomach.


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 There it was. The creepy icky little thing. Clinging to the barrel of the rifle.  
My heart was racing.
My legs were wobbly.
My Shield was held courageously (yeah, right) in front of me.

Now, I don't know how you all feel about bats, but me? 
I could live my life without'em.
I don't give two hoots if "they eat a ton of mosquitoes" as hubby (aka Batman) likes to reinterate.
I do not like them.
At all.
I'd rather have a mosquito bite, thank you very much.

Batman flew into the room, did a double-take at my shield, and crept cautiously past my shakily, pointing finger. 

We both stood there dumbfounded.

How in the world do we get him out of a space no wider than 4 inches?

We looked at each other.
We looked at the bat.
Our minds whirled in tandem searching, searching for a resolution to this huge problem.

"It's too bad that they don't make a Bat Spray like wasp spray.  That if you squirt them with it, they just die," I suggested in a tremoring voice.
Wishful thinking, huh?
Great idea for a patent, maybe...?

But Batman, being the brilliant superhuman hero he is, looked at me, held up a finger, and said, "But they DO!"

"What? What are you talking about?"


He flew bolted to the garage and returned with a can of the stuff.
My heart was pounding now.
What would this icky little thing do once he got sprayed?
Would he morph into a man-size bat and carry us away?
Would he get really mad and become a crazed animal dying to get his fangs sunk in our necks?

Batman sprayed.....
and sprayed.....
and sprayed.
The kitchen filled with the overpowering scent of the ether.
I kept hoping that neither of us would slither to the floor in a dead faint.

"OH MY LORD!!!!  HERE IT COMES!!!!" I yelled, backing up with my shield firm in front of me.

That dreadful, nasty, ugly little thing was creeping across the kitchen floor doing the dead-man's crawl.
Oh my gosh..........It was like something out of a stinkin' horror film.
One little fury arm with fingers pulling itself forward, then the other little arm, in slow motion at first.....gradually picking up speed and heading right toward me.

Gross!!!!  Grosss!!!!! Grossssssss!!!!!!

OH LORD!!!!!

"GET HIM!!!! GET HIM!!!!" I screamed, backing up even more.

Well, Batman, yes - being the brilliant, superhuman hero he is, had also brought in my fish net from the garage.  The one I use to take leaves out of my water garden?

He scooped that nasty little dazed beast up, opened the French doors, and flung him out onto the deck.

He shook the net to make sure the creature was out.

The last we saw of him he was crawling....crawling....crawling....one little furry arm at at time....across the deck toward the flowerbed.

 We looked at each other.  Me with imprints of my bat shield etched onto my forehead, and him with his cape blowing in the cool evening air.

We both heaved a sigh of relief.

Batman:  "I've gotta get some sleep."
Me:  "Sleep??!! How can you sleep after this? We've gotta find out how he got in!!!"
Batman: "Now? I don't think so. I'm going back to bed."

So, there I lay.....two hours later.....on bat patrol - watching Batman snoring away while I mentally assembled a list in my head of things  I had to do tomorrow to ensure that no more of those nasty little beasties gained access to our home.

And wondering....why in the world did I ever allow Batman to install a bat house on one of the trees in the backyard....?

{Big hugs} from a still shaking

~ laurie



  1. Oh my gosh! I was getting creeped out just by reading your post! I am with you Laurie, I am petrified of bats! I am so glad that you finally got him out of your house! When I was younger, I had them in my bedroom a few times and I was scared to death! Once was when my dad was in the hospital after surgery, so it was just my mom & I, two screaming females in the middle of the night, with a bat flying & swooping around us like crazy! I was so proud of my mom,though! She killed the bat with her broom! Hopefully you won't have any more in your house, maybe you need to get rid of the bat house!!

  2. LOL- Well~I expect you will be spiritually crushed here by all the Bat Lovers...and animal rights people...but I gotta tell you- THIS OLD BAT can't stand them! A mouse? No problem! A snake..hmmm slither away and I'll leave you alone...but a BAT! ohhhh...Nothing as creepy as a bat!

    All my grandkids have this little thing they say...They will look at me slanty-eyed sideways and go..Nana-It's a BAT..then they ask-Don't they give you the WILLIES? Boy! Do they!!! One time when we were at our old cottage our cat was sitting there like a statue looking up under an end table. I bent down to see what he was looking at and a flipping BAT flew right out and past my legs. It was about 4am and I screamed the house down! Everyone is yelling SHUT UP...It's just a bat! JUST.A.BAT.ARE.YOU.KIDDING.ME.YOU.IDIOTS? I have always had visions of them getting stuck in this mop of hair I have and having to cut it out!

    So, dear sistah-I see there is one more thing we agree about. And...know, just know, that there are gonna be some bat lovers in the group. (We'll send THEM all of our bats). Nighty-night-Diana

  3. Okay - so its not funny at all - and I would freak out if I woke up to that - but I do have to laugh about how funny this story sounds -the way you describe it. That poor bat was traumatized by the time it left your house. If he survived, I bet you'll never see another bat again - he'll tell all the bats not to mess with you!!

  4. ahahhahahahahhahahahahha

    I am rolling on the floor. This was WORSE than my SNAKE, um, I mean LIZARD story.

    I'd have been plum FAINT!

    I'm not kidding you.

    I mean it.

    I'd have passed out from fear.


    I'm still laughing!


  5. Oh Laurie, that was a HILARIOUS post. You should definitely submit it for publication somewhere. I'm almost SURE it would get published. I was cracking up all the way through! You are an awesome humor writer and that is no joke! Great job.

    And I'm glad Batman zonked that bat. Uh oh. Better check your deck. He might have fallen fast asleep after all that ether and he could wake up again! ha!

    I think bats are like rats with wings. They creep me out something fierce. Susan

  6. There is nothing I am more freaked out by than rats. Unless it's bats. And your last commenter was spot-on. Bats are just rats with wings. I can't believe you didn't stay in bed where Batman told you to stay under the covers! And I don't know much about 22's. But couldn't you have just shot the thing? Very creepy subject but, you turned it into a hilarious post!

  7. Oh my goodness what a story. I would have carried the bed covers over me down the stairs. Icky and scary but you tell it with such humor.

  8. Ummm. My daughter had to get rabies shots (which, by the way, aren't painful like they used to be) because a bat was in her bedroom at night, and "they" said you couldn't tell if you had been bitten or not, because their teeth are so small. You should really have kept the bat and had it tested. Is there rabies in your area? There had been rabid bats found in our county.

    By the way, I LIKE bats! I love to see them flying at night scooping up all those nasty insects.

  9. Omigosh! I laughed so hard reading this post, I almost cried. In fact, I read it aloud to my husband, as we have both lived through similar experiences at our home. We were doing renovations and some areas had opened up from the attic and voila...instant Bat Hell on and off for about three weeks. We could have written a little book "101 ways to kill a bat", until we finally heard (and then found to be true)...if you shut off all the lights and open one window wide, they will follow the draft and fly right out. Tada!
    That was the beginning of my sanity returning. Also LOVED the title of your post "Batman and Wobblin" LOL Thanks for the chuckles...you should seriously think about a career in writing!
    Be blessed,

  10. Oh Laurie you made me laugh!!! I can't imagine having a bat in my house!! We had one in our garage once and my husband screamed like a little girl and threw something at it and ran. He hates little creatures like that as well as mice and gerbils and hamsters. I am glad that your batman was brave!! :)

  11. OMG Laurie- what an incredible re-enactment of your crazy night!! My heart is pounding out of my chest right now I as too had a bat in the room in the middle of the night just 2 years ago. I had fallen asleep with my little girl and was awakened by the sound if it flapping against the ceiling fan blades. Apparently it was in our attic and made it's way into her room from a tiny gap where the ceiling fan meets the ceiling. I called our neighborhood police to come out as I was certain it had rabies (it didn't). We couldn't find in until the next morning when the animal control people came out and found it dead in her room. YUCK!! We both still have post traumatic stress over it and I have a big piece of duct tape up against the ceiling fan gap now. ;)
    Whew, thanks for sharing your adventure.

  12. G'morn, Laurie ~ We had the same experience BUT it was our cleaning ladies that found the bat hanging on our shower curtains. They went hysterical ... when I came home they greeted me in a flurry of flustered words. Finally, I told them to all BE QUIET, ONLY ONE TALKS. Then went upstairs to view the little stinker. Sure 'nuf, there he was. Not the police, not the fire dept., not the exterminator would come to rid me of this invader. Hubby came home & brilliant engineer that he is ... took the rodent/bug sonic device up to the bathroom, turned it on, it messed up the bat's "brain/radar" (if you will) & out the open window he flew.

    Love your story, you write beautifully ... please come join me as I now follow you.

    Have a lovely summer day ~
    TTFN ~ Marydon

  13. Hi Laurie,

    Oh my God, I would have freaked out!! Did you ever find out how he got in?


  14. Oh my! We had a bat fly in our screen porch off our trailer last year. Thank goodness the screen door to the trailer was closed! I am with you ~ I could live without bats! Funny story though!!

  15. OMG Laurie!! I think I would FREAK OUT if I awoke to a BAT in my bedroom!! As always, I loved reading your hilarious post... too funny!!
    Have a good and batless night!
    Hugs ~ Jo :)

  16. OMG, that was hilarious, but why in the world didn't you stay put in bed with the covers over your head!!!! The house I grew up in had bats that would visit so I spent the better part of my childhood hunkering down under the covers screaming for my Dad to come kill the bat. I think that is why I still sleep with my head coevered.


Bless you and thank you for visiting! I read each of your comments and treasure them all. So, please make sure your settings will accept emails, or leave your email address so that I can reply! ♥ Laurie