The Love That Breaks a Heart

 

“If only there could be an invention that bottled up a memory, like scent. 

And it never faded, and it never got stale. 

And then, when one wanted it, the bottle could be uncorked, and it would be like living the moment all over again.”  ~Daphne du Maurier

 

 

 

Days meld into evenings.

Snowy mornings fall into frigid nights.

Life moves, 

flows, 

pushes forward.

 

 I find myself moving with it ~

sometimes reluctantly.

Dragging my feet; reaching back.

Arms outstretched.

Wanting to stay in the moment

and not step into the next one.

I feel like with each passing day

more life is left behind.

I feel anxious and nervous about the future. 

 

I don't want to forget.

 

I am so afraid of forgetting.

Their voices. Their touch. Their smiles. Their laughter. Their tears...

 

Bloglandia hasn't seen much of Heaven's Walk these past months.

My heart still struggles with emptiness. 

My feeble attempt at putting words to paper fail miserably.

The void is tangible, presses down hard.

Depletes me.

 

I know deep inside that I continue to be blessed abundantly ~

with my loving husband, my Maizie Grace, family and friends. 

Living in this old farmhouse surrounded by woods and water, 

rooms warmed by a big furnace,

healthy food lining the pantry shelves,

beds piled with down comforters,

patchouli scented air...

 

all huge blessings that make me bow my head in gratitude.

 

 

 

God makes his presence known with peace and comfort.

I close my eyes and breathe him in deeply.

Praying.

But a part of me is missing.

Torn away.

Exposed.

Lost.

 Floundering.

Seemingly treading water;

pushing myself back up to the surface to gasp for breath.

Between chores...stolen gazes out the window....

purposefully remembering.

Knowing the pain will hit sharply

like a punch to the gut.

The moments come unexpectedly,

blindsiding me;

making my soul curl up in a fetal position.

I reach back in time and allow myself to sink into the memories.

Reliving the shock, painful decisions, and sadness.

Beating myself down with the "whys" and "what-ifs".

Not a place where I want to be, and I try to push away from it,

but it's a place I keep falling in to time and time again.

I touch my dad's lilac painting setting before me in my studio.

I pull his coat on over my shoulders to go shovel snow in our driveway.

I run my fingers across my mother's handwriting on a birthday card from years past,

and clasp her diamond necklace around my neck.

 So much has happened over the past eight months.

Eight months?  How could it be eight months?

To a broken heart,

it seems like yesterday.

The pain is still that big and encompassing.

It swallows me whole.

How long does a heart grieve? How long does the soul ache?

I want to go back in time...

 

I don't want to forget

but

I don't want the pain of remembering.

 

Yet still...

I want to remember.

Clinging.

Surrendering.

Responding to the tugs of divinity within.

 Healing through tears and sleepless nights.

 

The [Holy Spirit] knows the beat of your heart when you have forgotten how to be.

The [Holy Spirit] knows the lyrics of why you are loved - when you can’t remember quite how to live….

The [Holy Spirit] will sing your song - God’s song for you - when you have long forgotten the words to His Word – to yourself.  ~Ann Voskamp

 

The world around me seems loud, crude, and invasive.

I want to shut it out and escape.

 It doesn't understand.

I feel God hiding me in the shadow of his hand.  

Protecting.

Comforting.

Healing.

 

“God speaks in the language you know best - not through your ears, but through your circumstances.”  ~Oswald Chambers

 

"May our loves never leave us, at least not for long.
May our passions not be buried so deep by our pain and brokenness that they become impossible to recover.
May we know God and in turn, know ourselves." ~ author unknown

 

 

 

~  Eucharisteo  ~

Linking to the linky parties on the lower right of my sidebar.

 

 

 

 

Just a Simple Christmas Wish

Unlike November which pushed and roared and bit its way into Michigan...

leaving us in a muffled snow globe...

December crept in like a lamb.

Quietly sunny and almost snow free...so far.

To be honest with you, I am quite liking it.

I don't have to pull on boots to slog out to the garage.

No shoveling mounds of snow from the driveway.

Fear-free driving to the big city. 

Yes....the entire winter could stay just like this if it were up to me.

These sunny mornings pour into our kitchen like warm syrup,

 creating a cozy place to begin the day.

I've been starting my days lately with a couple mugs of tea.
I love coffee, too (a lot),
but Young Living Essential Oils makes a wonderful
Ocotea Oolong Cocao tea enhanced with 100% pure therapeutic grade Frankincense powder
that is light and delicious -
especially with a teaspoon of honey and pinch of cinnamon.

Sometimes I add in an additional cinnamon flavored tea bag to deepen the flavor.

I need my tea strong.

This special tea was created to help decrease appetite and food cravings...

which so far....is working for me.

After my morning treadmill run,
I sip it while I go about my daily tasks,

warming it up every once in a while,

and completely forgetting about the leftovers in the bulging refrigerator.

It keeps me moving, motivated, and multi-tasking.

So, many things have been accomplished during these past two weeks.
I worked on a dream catcher order for a customer who was giving it as a Christmas gift.

Her request was faded blue fabrics.
A friend of mine has been faithfully sending me feathers she finds around her home in Texas,
and I was happy to be able to add them to this dream catcher.
{thank you, Patty!}

After that was wrapped and ready to deliver,
my attention turned toward a new rug I received from a sweet friend in Florida.
Some rearranging was needed in the living room to accommodate this gorgeous thing
with its faded burgundy and cream design.
{thank you, Heather!}

I pushed the coffee table out of the way and went to whipping rugs around the room for a while,
(great arm workout, btw)
trying to create a pleasing-to-the-eye prairie/shabby chic layering affect.

Next on the agenda was wrapping gifts for a local nursing home.
Our church was providing some Christmas cheer to the residents there this year.
After thinking about what my own mother would have enjoyed receiving when she was in the nursing home,
I remembered there was a box full of Philosophy "Grace" products stored in my basement that my dad had purchased for my mom during the past couple of years.
Unfortunately, she was never able to use them.
Choking back tears as I wrapped and tied the presents,
 I knew they both would have loved knowing
where some of these lotions and perfumes were going to go.

December 1st is usually the day when the decorations get hauled down from our cold attic,
but wanting to keep my "mojo" going,
I started early this year on the day following Thanksgiving.

Opening up boxes of ornaments each year is almost as delightful as opening up a gift on Christmas morning.

After hours of arranging and rearranging and re-rearranging,
I was relatively happy with what I saw...

I adore the German glittered deer created by @shabbybeachygirl. Thank you, Jen!

...but ended up going with this instead
which satisfied the prairie girl in me.

The pink tree was plunked in a wooden bucket on the workbench in my studio
next to the tiny lilac painting my dad created decades ago.
A painting my great-grandmother made sits on the shelf beyond the tree.

A Florentine tray full of Christmas bits and bobs sits on the newly stained and white-washed coffee table.

The mantel definitely spoke to my heart the most, though.
I tend to overdo the decor on the mantel for some reason,
 and always-always-always have to take it all apart and start over again, simplifying as I go.
The second time is usually the charm.

I started with this.

And I simplified it to this.

The kitchen decor was kept extremely simple, too.
A couple of ornaments on some vintage dishes and
a bottle brush tree on the sideboard.

The inspiration board in my studio also received a more simplified look
with a RASCC 2015 calender adding a bit of sparkle to the room.

Speaking of sparkle,
the sparkle and love of my life celebrated her 12th birthday on December 5.
 We gave her a new "baby" named Ruby.
Ruby, the lamb, now goes wherever Maizie goes...
from bed, to dinner, to nap, to potty break.

Maizie would have been a wonderful mother.
She treats all of her "babies" with gentle love and attention.

 

The house is decorated.
The Christmas shopping completed.
The sun is shining.
There's no snow on the ground,
and my little Maizie Grace is happy and healthy.

Just a simple Christmas wish...come true.


~  Eucharisteo  ~

Linking to the linky parties on the lower right of my sidebar.

Transitional Season

The soft pastels of summer are quickly slipping away,

being replaced by the Crayola colors of autumn.

Changes are taking place at Heaven's Walk, too.

It's a transitional time.

The tomatoes in our organic garden ripened beautifully with the rains and coolness of the passing summer.  It was time to can our infamous salsa.

After four sessions, 300 pints and quarts were ready for the pantry shelves

to be enjoyed in the cold months ahead

in chili, goulash, soups, roasts, and dips.

Numerous quarts of sweet corn and green beans were frozen and nestled next to the 15 quarts of blueberries already in the freezer.

I did take some time off to do some antiquing and hit the Allegan Antique Market on Sunday.

My radar is always tuned in to vintage rugs, old tables, and any bit of bling,

and was thrilled to take home this French-inspired upholstered chair.

It is an identical match to the one I already have at my desk. 

I couldn't believe it.

A soft gold and purple prayer rug was given to me for half price after standing and staring at it for a while.  I guess the vendor got tired of me drooling over it.

And, of course, who could resist that sweet blue vase?

The little primitive table stole my heart with her square nails, pine green chippy top, and deep mauve base. I had been looking for something a bit more rustic for my living room

to 'ground' all the white.

After debating whether or not to take my paintbrush to it,

I asked for help from my sweet friend, Tausha, and followed her trusted suggestion.

I lightly sanded the top to remove some of the stains and paint splotches,

then rubbed on a coat of ASCP clear wax to protect it.

It was shabby perfection.

It brought a feeling of depth, warmth, and coziness to the room.

Perfect with dusty mauves, blues, and pinks,

and complimenting vintage oak floors.

I also created a dream catcher for a friend of a friend who is battling cancer.

I felt honored to do this for her,

and pray that it brings her peace and joy.

I sold a member of my family, too.

My 1996 Blazer had served me well,

and it was time for her to move on.

We sold her in five days...

...and welcomed a 2009 Acadia into our fold.

We purchased it from my sister-in-law.

I must be honest and tell you that I have never had such a luxurious vehicle in all my life.

I am beyond humbled and thrilled. 

I love driving it.

So, with a full pantry and freezer,

a dependable vehicle in my garage,

and watching autumn quietly explode in the tree tops ~

I now turn my attention to selling my parents' house 

before winter makes its cold, snowy appearance,

when I will snuggle in to my favorite place to be...

here at Heaven's Walk.

~  Eucharisteo  ~

Linking to the linky parties on the lower right of my sidebar.

Cultivating Moments

Her words crushed.

Cruel.

Stinging.

Hitting hard and sinking deep.

Stealing joy.

Breathing in surprise,

I exhale unwanted anger.

Staring at blurred letters.

Hurt.

Saddened. 

Misunderstood.

"Strike back," Blackness screamed, demanded.

I instinctively wanted to.

"Turn inward," Soul whispered gently.

I reluctantly balked.

This world.

So hard and rough.

I wanted no more of it's darkness and biting ways.

No more of it's beating me down.

I said, "I can not figure things out."

God whispered, "I will direct your steps."

I said, "I can not manage."

God whispered, "I will supply all your needs."

I said, "I am frustrated."

God whispered, "Cast all your cares on ME."

He humbles me.

Quote from book by Rachel Ashwell

Breathing.

Resting in faith.

Relaxing in His Presence.

My heart moves toward Him,

in sync with His steps,

 embracing His love.

"What if the art we make – whether the work of our hands, the words of our mouth, the simple movement towards others in our ordinary days – 

what if these are the ways Jesus wants to show Himself to a weary world?
 

What if the art we make and live is a daily grace God has in mind for someone else?
And our way of living art is one of the million little ways God wants to show himself in the world?"

~ author unknown

No thinking.

No wondering.

No imagining.

No obsessing.

No apologies for being me.

I will make art

and live gracefully.

Not asking for nor expecting recognition or praise.

Shutting out the loudness of the world.

Inviting in the quietness of the Holy Spirit.

My heart...and my blog...will continue to be a garden where faith is grown.

A place to continue to cultivate friendships.

A place to gather words...

and to spread His Word.

East garden 2013

"You are exactly where you are supposed to be.

If you are happy...revel in it.

Appreciate the moment.

If you are unhappy...take note.

Try to figure out what you are supposed to be learning from this moment.

For each and every moment woven together over time

is your life.

Each moment matters.

Each moment has something beautiful to teach us."

~ Simple Daisy

~ Eucharisteo ~

Linking to the linky parties on the lower right of my sidebar.