Thursday, October 3, 2013

Breathing In Hope

My heart beat crazily in my chest as I dusted, vacuumed,
folded sweet smelling laundry, hugged Maizie close, and tried to maintain a normal day.
Thoughts bounced wildly in my head.
Whispered prayer constant on my lips.

I pull out some clay.
Hearts and crosses form beneath my hands.
Symbols of the love I've been surrounded by this past week.

The phone rings.
I stop.
Breathe in hope.
Exhale fear.

My heart skips a beat.
Eyes close in one more quick prayer.
Hands shaking as I answer.

The nurse on the other end offers a kind "hello, how are you doing?" 
and then I hear her say,

"Atypical ductal hyperplasia.
but a pre-cancerous condition.
Lumpectomy recommended."

I dumbly repeat the words back to her
in question form.

I feel myself split in two.

Happy for the present.
Terrified of the future.

With tear-filled eyes, I bow my head at the table in a sun-filled kitchen ~
thanking God for answered prayer.
No cancer.

He told me to trust.
I did.
He answered my prayer.

I will continue on this journey ~
leaning on Him more than ever;
letting Him lead the way.

My mind doesn't understand why.
It rebels.
It questions.
It crumbles in fear.

But my soul tells me to trust in Him with every fiber of my being ~
difficult or not.

What else can a child of God do?

God doesn’t allow pain unless He’s allowing something new to be born.

A future life lived knowing that at any time,
breast cancer could develop.

What is God allowing to be born in me...?
Lord, did it have to be born this way?

“I am more than you need and I am like a mother and I am your Father and I am the Light that pushes back the black and I am making all things new — and that’s a promise that I’ll wrap right round you in any pit and pull you up and close to Me.“  
~ A. Voskamp

Pull me up, Lord.
Wrap yourself around this child of yours
and hold me close.
Be the Light in this dark, scary place.

There is a plan and there is a purpose and there is a God in heaven who didn’t just ink you onto the palm of His hands, but etched your name right into Himself with nails and 
He  hasn’t just got your number...
He’s got your heart.  
~ A. Voskamp

I know He's got mine...

~  Grateful Blessings  ~

♥ I don't even know where to begin to thank each and every one of you [from all over this awesome world] for the beautiful words you left for me on my previous post. 
You overwhelmed me and left me in a puddle of gratefulness.
So grateful for friends who hold out their arms in enveloping warmth.
A heart bursting with love and appreciation for such incredible encouragement.
Your shared stories and prayers melded into a quilt of support and comfort.
I closed my eyes and wrapped myself up in it,
leaning back into it's pure goodness.
You are all amazing. ♥

Linking to the linky parties on the lower right of my sidebar.


  1. Love to my sister in Christ. You will continue to be in my prayers. (still wondering about that shark cartilage) Take care of yourself, my friend.

  2. You know that there is a reason and its a very good one. Trust Him and learn what He is teaching you through all of this. Stand strong and steadfast and face whatever comes head on. Let Him do the hard stuff. Let go of the stress, the doubt and the fear. He never gives you more than you can bear and He loves you more than you will ever know. You are His child. Rest there.

  3. God has a just have to put yourself in his hands and trust in him, while doing the best you can to keep yourself focused, positive and healthy. Hugs to're in my thoughts and prayers. xo

  4. ~If He leads you to it, He will see you through it. ~ Maybe these lovely crosses you created can be sold, and a portion donated to breast cancer research. A plan, perhaps? Sending you hugs, love, prayers, and all the positivity I can! xo

  5. So very glad there is no cancer...keeping you in my prayers...xo

  6. Laurie I am so happy there is no cancer, amazed that you took the energy and focused on creating with your hands instead of crying and laying in bed with worry you are amazing! Beautiful work came out of you during a scary time. Will continue to pray....the last few days everytime I go to ThomThumb they have a breast cancer donation when you pay to chose yes or no, I do like to donate for whatever cause they are doing, just not usually everytime, the last few days I felt the need to say a prayer for you my dear and donate to research. Hugs and peace to you!

  7. Such great news! Prayers are still going out for you. Thanks for the good news.

  8. "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not grow faint." (Isa. 40:31) You, Laurie, are on "Heaven's Walk"...this is the path He has chosen for you and He is right there with you to guide you, strengthen you and carry you when you need it. So grateful for the "no cancer" answer, but I know that the "unknown" of the next part of the journey can still be scary. You are not alone, for God is always with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Keep trusting, sweet Laurie.

  9. I'm sending you a huge hug, and a praise filled "AMEN"!!!
    love you, my sweet friend!

  10. God Bless you Laurie, even though it is not cancer, I know you are afraid and very concerned about the lumpectomy recommended. I mean who wouldn't be? It's still a very large decision and life changing curve you are going through. God will take your hand and lead you the way ♥ I will pray for you too!

    Sandra Williamson through FB

  11. I'm so thankful it is not more serious.

  12. 😊 so thankful and trusting God for continued no cancer reports!

  13. So grateful for answered cries(of prayer). He is the only one who knows and His will is your rest. A package is on its way to you! xxo

  14. J'aime beaucoup .
    bonjour de France.


  15. I feel like everything is going to be okay. You express your feelings so beautifully! Thanks for sharing this personal experience.

    I am loving your clay work--so pretty!

  16. My dear Laurie, I'm so sad sad for you, because I can understand your fears, I agree it's not cancerous, but your future doesn't sing for the moment. But you are able to put beauty all aroud your life to ccreate, to be opened to others, isn't it the first step to recovery ? An Moreover you can pray... May be it's also another step to peace if it is not (for the moment) the expected recovery. I remember once in my life, I had a very very hard time and I was praying while doing everything, and I remember, that at a moment I was smiling, and at that moment I understood, the serenity and the smiles of those who always pray for us... I hope that my English is clear enough to express my thoughts, and please excuse me for the errors.

    Many xoxo from FRANCE


  17. I continue in prayer...Love that you kept busy, a busy mind is a healing thing.

    Laurie, your news is wonderful, although you will still have some surgery its a welcomed one knowing you are cancer free.
    Keeping u in thought and prayer that you will feel comfort in whats to come.



  18. I am so pleased your results were good. Early detection is a sure cure,so God did answer your prayers Good luck with the coming procedure,at least you know there is nothing sinister. Prayers your way xx

  19. I am so happy and grateful for you that the news was good. Your posts are things of beauty that I happily look forward to.

  20. So grateful for your wonderful news, sweet friend. Even though it wasn't exact;y as you wished your prayers were answered. I wil continue to think of you and pray. xo Laura

  21. no cancer is priceless news, laurie. stay creative,'s working-- adorable clay roses:)

  22. Laurie I was so happy to hear the news "No Cancer" .I know you are being watched over...I know God will never leave you.....I will continue to keep you in my prayers...<3 By the way your heart cross roses are so beautiful....<3

  23. Laurie, I breathe a sigh of relief with you. Gratitude

  24. Laurie, I adore your blog and have been following for awhile. When I read your last post, you were in my prayers that you would know the peace that passeth all understanding. So thankful for this report, and will continue to lift you up as you continue on this journey. Your faith and trust in the Lord is such a blessing to me and so many others.
    Mary Alice

  25. Laurie, if there are two choices, I'm glad this is the news you received. I wrote to you the other day to tell you a bit about my experience. This is exactly what my diagnosis was. Even though there was no "lump" they were to do a lumpectomy to take out the pre-cancerous cells. They ended up taking out a little more than I first was told, but they wanted to make sure to get it all. I'm not that big to start with, so taking anything made me feel a bit deflated ! (grin) But I was told that it eventually fills back in, and it has. My choice was (as yours is) to have the surgery, or worry constantly when it will turn cancerous.... will the next mammogram show the bad stuff ? I know that you will make the choice which is best for you. As I mentioned previously, I felt as if there was a sword over my ahead and did not want to live with the constant dread, so I had the surgery. My prayers and my heart are with you in this. I know it hasn't been easy. But rest in your hope with God, and let him cradle your cares. I told you that I had been adopted. A few years ago I found my birth father's family in Kalamazoo, Michigan. What part are you from ? I was so very blessed that they welcomed me into the family, and I have since visited twice. It's a beautiful part of this country. Will be thinking of you, Laurie. If you want to email to talk about your procedure, please do not hesitate.

    Hugs from Texas,

  26. So very glad to hear there is no cancer, Laurie! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


  28. Praise God for a good reort. He has you in His hands and holds your future. Isn't that the best place to rest? So happy for you dear Laurie.

  29. Laurie, overjoyed to hear it isn't cancer! I read all your comments, yes, each and everyone of them. I think Patty has some good feedback when she tells her story. If you have the surgery, at least you won't constantly be worried about pre-cancer cells turning to cancer. We are all children of god and I don't believe God gives us illnesses to learn lessons. Part of having this human body, is that we can sometimes get sick. I do believe that god walks us through every situation in our lives and helps to heal us through each experience. I've known the finest christians who had faith that could move mountains but illness still visited them. God heals our hearts and minds and each situation helps us be an example of his unwavering love for us.

  30. Laurie, I love the clay crosses and hearts!

  31. Hi Laurie. I am the one writing to you that is currently healing from the double mastectomy. I am so glad for your results. The reason I am commenting again is to ask you to ask your doctor if you are able to have a breast MRI. My cancer (I know yours is not) started in my left breast and only required a lumpectomy. My right breast came back clear on the mammogram. Because my surgeon wanted to be totally sure, she ordered an MRI. It was then that they found invasive cancer in my right breast that originally showed clear of lumps and clear on the mammogram. Again, I am not saying this to scare you but to have you take charge of your health and body. If not for the MRI I would have never caught the cancer in my right Brest and would have been walking around with it for another year until my next mammogram, and then hoping it would show. I am happy to hear about your good news and will continue to pray for you. I know everyone has a different case and it doesn't mean that yours is like mine, I was just so grateful for that MRI because it saved my life.

  32. Each day since your last post, I have looked at my sidebar to see if Heaven's Walk had a new post. Today as I saw the new posting on my sidebar, I realized I was holding my breath as I opened your Breathing in Hope. Only when I saw the message from the nurse did I exhale and feel such a great sense of relief for you. No cancer. Doable. Yes, breathing in hope.


  33. I am so happy sweet girl that there is no cancer. God does have it in his hands and never gives you more then you can bare...I have learned that for sure with my MS. There must be a reason and if I am being truthful with myself, at times I still question why and then I think maybe I am not supposed to know why and there is really no answer but I always ask God to continue to watch over me. You are such a caring and loving person and God will take care of this for you!


  34. Oh Laurie,
    I'm just reading all this now and my heart is aching and praying for you. What a trial for you to endure. It's so chilling to go through these procedures and WAIT. I'm relieved to hear your biopsy results are non-cancer, but I'm sure the word pre-cancerous isn't a welcome word. The lumpectomy will remove what it needs to and then you leave the rest in God's hands. You are brave and strong to share this with our blogging world, my friend. There are many 'sisters' out there for you.
    In 2009 I had to go back for a biopsy after my first ever mammogram at age 41. I always knew one of my breasts was so much more dense than the other. It was even more apparent while nursing my babies in my late thirties. Those few days of WAITING are very tough - all the 'what if's' going through your mind. Thankfully the results showed nothing cancerous - just that the one breast is really dense. Now I go annually and just pray. I'll pray for you, my friend. You are not alone. xoxoxox, Susan

  35. So glad to hear your good news. Hang in there! Remember John 10:10 The thief (satan, devil)comes to steal kill and destroy but I have come to give life and life more abundantly." His trying to steal from you cannot continue as long as you look to Jesus the author and finisher of your faith." I could go on but I won't. I'm praying for you and know you will make it through this stronger than before!

  36. Awwww Laurie,
    I am so happy for you! Our God is so good!
    I lalso replied to prior post about my BC diagnosis. Absolutely NO two are the same, everyones case is different.
    I look at this as a blessing from God, you have found it early before it turns into cancer. Get that bad stuff out of there and be done with it!
    If you have any doubts you can ALWAYS request a second opinion.
    I will leave my email again for you if you have any questions!
    Please don't hesitate if I can offer advice or just be a sounding board I am here.
    Again so thankful today for you!
    Your friend in christ

  37. I must say you write so beautifully even under great stress! Still scary for you though I feel your pain and will continue with prayers.
    Your such a precious soul we all love dearly! Many Blessings Sweet Friend Hugs, Kim

  38. As you well know, you are in my thoughts and prayers. We may not get the exact answer we want, when we want, but, God is good. I have no doubt that you will come out of this stronger than before.xoxo

  39. Let's pretend that I'm there and that I'm hugging you tightly, tears streaming down my face. Much love to you, my friend!

  40. i am sending you continued prayers, love and light.....

  41. Praise the Lord for his goodness and grace towards you and may his blessings continue as you go forward..

  42. Oh, Laurie, this is so fantastic news. I`m very, very happy for you.

    BIG hug from me

  43. Hallelujah! Prayers abound and continue!

  44. So glad to hear that there is no cancer. Still keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you continue on this journey.
    Sending hugs,

  45. So glad there is no cancer. I think of the saying Let Go and Let God-easier said than done for us mere mortals. I pray you can though.

  46. I am so relieved to hear that you do not have cancer! I can only imagine how scared you were while waiting on the test results. I know the waiting part had to be the worst. In my opinion, we could all get cancer at any time. Please don't live in fear that you are likely to get it more than anyone else. I know so many people that do all the right things and have no family history, yet still get it. We are all possible victims to it or rather survivors of it (hopefully). I also remind myself that whatever happens to us in life is part of God's plan. So for whatever reason, this happened to you, there is a reason. So glad that you can get the lump removed and move on with your life afterwards. You may have to have more screenings than an average woman but that's ok compared to the alternative! Your experience has already touched so many I'm sure.

  47. Hi honey... I read each and every comment... so many love you... and have prayed along with you... so relieved it was non~cancerous... but so understand your questions and concerns... please know how much I care... and I am here for you every step of the way... an early warning is so much better than finding out something much worse... so many advances have been made these days... you will get it over with and be better than ever!... your hearts and crosses are so pretty and I love that you are donating a portion to breast cancer research... you are always thinking of others... love you... xoxo Moi

  48. I'm still thinking about you and I still firmly believe that everything will be alright , do not forget-we all are with you and we love you !!!!!!! I wish you a lot of strength , faith, and all the love of this world ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

  49. I just read your previous post and was hoping for an update. So happy to hear good news! Your writing is beautiful and you so clearly articulate feelings that we can all relate to. Wishing you all good things!

  50. I'm almost speechless Laurie.
    He has you, holding you, forever in the palm of His hand.
    I'm so grateful for the work of art He is carving in you
    and for your hearts response to His loving ways.
    This post is breath-taking.
    All my love,
    Deborah \0/

  51. Hello my dear friend! I´m happy with you, you got a great news! So my dear, be okay, think positively, have a smile on your face and don´t stop to believe. God and we are still with you. Send hugs and kisses to you, Michaella

  52. This is good news... Hugs to you!

  53. So glad to hear it isn't cancer, Laurie. May the Lord continue to uphold you and sustain you. Thanks for sharing your journey of faith with us.

  54. o my goodness Laurie... i am just flabbergasted at this news.. how awful for you.. I mean, thank heavens everything is alright but what an awful thing to go through...I havent been around that much lately as ; well, so much going on, i just had to focus on the kids and my family for a while, but sorry i didnt hear sooner... thank heavens you are alright... lets hope it stays this way and your health is always good... and thankful that your faith kept you sane throughout this!!! sending you prayers and hugs xxxxxxx

  55. Laurie, so happy to hear it's not cancer. You are such a strong person, you are definitely helping others with your strength. Sending you hugs and prayers.

  56. Oh I am just now catching up with you, not knowing what you had been dealing with....sending love and prayers and thankfulness that there is no cancer. Sending many hugs to you dear. The anticipation must have been so scary for you, so glad for you that the waiting part is over. xoxo

  57. Since reading your first post, you have been on my mind and I have often found myself in a sleepy early morning haze praying for your results. So thankful that it is not cancer, and prayers for no future cancer either. Rejoicing in what a marvelous medical world that we live in today!

  58. Phew!.... for now anyway. But you will have some decisions to make... but still, not cancer,,,, that is sooooo good to hear. What a relief ... I am so happy that you will now have time to think about your options and approach it all at your own pace.


  59. Dear Laurie...Have been thinking of you and just read your NO CANCER post!

    That was the most joyous news of my entire day. PRAISE ThE LORD! For He is good.

    We both know He has you and ALL of us in the palm of His hand .

    I am so happy and so relieved, Laurie. Susan

  60. I'm sitting here at 6 AM - awake from a kid not coming home until 3 AM and heart still pounding. I decided to read archives of blogs I love and just read this one of yours. My heart stopped and I realized how grateful we should be (I should be) for every single day. With all the problems and suffering, I am alive and well and coping. I'm so happy that for you, it isn't cancer. I know all else will go well. My prayers are with you. What would I do without your inspiration? The hearts you make are beautifully inspired.

  61. so happy to hear this news, especially that you are resting in Him and trusting. it's going to be all right. it will. my breasts were taken in june, but what i have cannot be purchased or even learned. it is the gift of a healing spirit. fight, laurie. modify your lifestyle in healthy ways to minimize your risk. i am praying.


  62. Oh thank you dear Lord, you are ok. And look at these sweet clay art, that's what you are to GOD.

  63. Stay strong Laurie, so glad the wait is over, you are an inspiration to me & many others i am sure. Thoughts are with you & your family.

  64. I'm arriving late with my relief of your results, Laurie (though of course I understand your concerns). This Blogland is amazing...I have thought about you and prayed for you since I saw your {beautiful} initial post...prayers and caring for someone we don't know. It's such a beautiful and amazing thing, isn't it? It's a huge prayer group that was and is out here for you! I actually searched my sidebar today (where I have you) to look for you, because I have been thinking about you. Blessings to you, continued health, and yes, wrap yourself up in this lovely Blogland quilt--may it bring you much comfort. ~Zuni

  65. I was reading back and found this and your previous post about your scare. I have been there so many times with 4 biopsies, a breast specialist and a mom who died with cancer. I understand. Your words were expressed with honest, raw emotion and I appreciated them so much. When facing this, sometimes within 6 months between visits, I am filled with fear at first and then somewhere in the wait I find God's peace.



Bless you and thank you for visiting! I read each of your comments and treasure them all. So, please make sure your settings will accept emails, or leave your email address so that I can reply! ♥ Laurie