Breathing In Hope

My heart beat crazily in my chest as I dusted, vacuumed,

folded sweet smelling laundry, hugged Maizie close, and tried to maintain a normal day.

Thoughts bounced wildly in my head.

Whispered prayer constant on my lips.

I pull out some clay.
Hearts and crosses form beneath my hands.
Symbols of the love I've been surrounded by this past week.

The phone rings.
I stop.

Hesitate.
Breathe in hope.
Exhale fear.

My heart skips a beat.

Eyes close in one more quick prayer.

Hands shaking as I answer.

The nurse on the other end offers a kind "hello, how are you doing?" 

and then I hear her say,

"Atypical ductal hyperplasia.

Non-cancerous,

but a pre-cancerous condition.

Lumpectomy recommended."

I dumbly repeat the words back to her
in question form.

I feel myself split in two.

Happy for the present.

Terrified of the future.

With tear-filled eyes, I bow my head at the table in a sun-filled kitchen ~

thanking God for answered prayer.
No cancer.

He told me to trust.

I did.

He answered my prayer.

I will continue on this journey ~

leaning on Him more than ever;

letting Him lead the way.

My mind doesn't understand why.

It rebels.

It questions.

It crumbles in fear.

But my soul tells me to trust in Him with every fiber of my being ~

difficult or not.

What else can a child of God do?

God doesn’t allow pain unless He’s allowing something new to be born.

A future life lived knowing that at any time,

breast cancer could develop.

What is God allowing to be born in me...?

Lord, did it have to be born this way?

“I am more than you need and I am like a mother and I am your Father and I am the Light that pushes back the black and I am making all things new — and that’s a promise that I’ll wrap right round you in any pit and pull you up and close to Me.“  

~ A. Voskamp

Pull me up, Lord.

Wrap yourself around this child of yours

and hold me close.

Be the Light in this dark, scary place.

There is a plan and there is a purpose and there is a God in heaven who didn’t just ink you onto the palm of His hands, but etched your name right into Himself with nails and 

He  hasn’t just got your number...

He’s got your heart.  
~ A. Voskamp

I know He's got mine...


~  Grateful Blessings  ~

♥ I don't even know where to begin to thank each and every one of you [from all over this awesome world] for the beautiful words you left for me on my previous post. 
You overwhelmed me and left me in a puddle of gratefulness.
So grateful for friends who hold out their arms in enveloping warmth.
A heart bursting with love and appreciation for such incredible encouragement.
Your shared stories and prayers melded into a quilt of support and comfort.
I closed my eyes and wrapped myself up in it,
leaning back into it's pure goodness.

GOD BLESS YOU.

You are all amazing. ♥

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